My Most Personal Post Yet

Beat of the Moment: "Indescribable" by Kierra 'KiKi' Sheard 

"Indescribable, uncontainable, You place the stars in the sky and You know them by name, You are amazing God. All powerful, untamable, awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim, You are amazing God" 
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Entering into my room of transparency… Let me briefly say, I enjoy 'journaling' because it is extremely therapeutic and easy. It’s easy when you’re writing for an audience of one. I did not realize that blogging, especially blogging about my walk with Christ, would require such vulnerability.  I would say that I’m generally a pretty private person, so as I accept this challenging Christian journey, I also accept the challenge of sharing and “putting it all out there.” Of course, with the purpose being to help or reach someone else. I am working on this. 

I don’t think I’ve received any of the material things that I’ve prayed for in a very long time. Many times I catch myself focusing too much on these things that I lack and greatly desire, so I have to reprimand myself for being distracted. However, I recently realized that although I have not received any of the material things I desired, God is doing something serious with my heart. That’s the sacrifice? In the past year, He’s dealt with my forgiveness issues in a major way. He is showing me that guarding your heart doesn’t mean hardening your heart or being cold or cruel. It is amazing and almost surreal the way He has handled some of my personality hiccups. When/if people ask me if God is real, I have to give a wholehearted YES. There is no other way to describe some of the things that He has mended, repaired, and restored in my life. Wow. I sit in amazement at times. 

Transparent Moment:  I went almost 7 years of not speaking to my father at all. Currently, not a single day goes by that I do not interact with my father in some capacity. There is no other way to describe this repaired relationship other than God. I am/was way too stubborn to even conceive reconciliation. GOD IS SO REAL. The supernatural is so real. In fact, “the human mind cannot think of words to express how good You are.” I'm so thankful for forgiveness!

Transparent Moment: For many years, I struggled with the aftermath of the death of my loved ones. I could not understand the decisions people made or accept the effects that followed said decisions. Consequently, I cut that entire aspect of my life off. This included people and places that were once near and dear to me. Recently, GOD reconnected and restored those broken pieces. Again, my heart struggled with this in the past and I did not have the mental or spiritual wherewithal to even conceive this reconciliation, so I know it was all God. I’m so thankful for this rebuilding. 

Transparent Moment: I recently connected with someone who unknowingly was the source of a lot of my hurt, pain, confusion, and even envy in the past. We connected through church and ministry and it’s so amazing how much we have in common. I can’t even begin to explain the peace of mind and joy that has accompanied this friendship/sister-ship. I also hoped for a connection to other young adults embracing this Christian challenge and He absolutely answered this prayer. I’m so thankful. THIS RESTORATION was absolutely sent straight from God. The presence of God is so visible in my life and my relationships and I'm so thankful.

Reflections: It’s amazing what and who God uses as lessons and blessings. His doings are always intentional and purposeful. His work is never in vain. Even when we can’t make sense of it, even when we are going through what we perceive to be our nadir, He steps right in and shows us how our lowest point can give way to our strongest moments. God, I thank you so much for never giving up on me and all of my mess. Continue to use me. Mold me. Strengthen me. Deliver me. Soften my heart. God, I need You. My whole entire being longs for You in a dry and parched land. I only want You. I’m so in love with all of You. I’ve never loved anyone quite like you. I’ve never felt love reciprocated quite like this. Your love story is the greatest of them all! Thank you for the ultimate sacrifice. You are more than I deserve. Thank you for mending things. Thank you for new beginnings. Thank you for my brothers and sisters. God, you are perfection personified and I just want to be more like you.

-You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same :-)