Please Note: This post is extremely informal. Not that deep. Very vague. I'm not saying anything inspirational. I'm just talking.
Beat of the Moment: currently listening to a sermon by Rev. Dr. Jamal H. Bryant (people love to hate him, but personal life aside, this man preaches the WORD...I am a student of his ministry. . .no, I'm not a member of his church, but his word has gotten me through some rough patches) so yes, his sermon "I Wish It Was Easier" is blasting through my ears right now!
Practicing patience in my personal life is probably one of my biggest struggles. Admittedly, I am one impatient person. Admittedly, my lack of patience is the fuel to much of my discomfort. The phrase waiting patiently seems a tad paradoxical to me. How one conquers this task is beyond me. The whole "what to do while waiting" topic stays on my mind; I just can't seem to practically put its core components to use.
Why am I talking about this? For one, it seems to be the new motif of my life. It used to be "never easy" and I guess that aligns well with patience and waiting. Last week, well actually two weeks ago, my bible study group took a look at Sarah's life. It seems that at the surface, many people, especially women, scrutinize Sarah's careless, yet desperate decision. I'm going to infer that those who criticize this woman of the Bible fail to analyze the root of her problem: patience. Sarah got tired of waiting. Moreover, she became tired of waiting on something that she desired more than anything in the world. Exchange Sarah's desire to birth a child with whatever it is that you've been praying for, crying for, yearning for, and I'm sure her predicament becomes a bit less foreign.
I want some things. Actually, I desire, crave, covet, and yearn for a lot of things. Some things aren't even tangible materials. Some things seem like things that I shouldn't even have to express a desire for because they should just be. So what do you do when you want some things and you've prayed, fasted, meditated, and you still can't find the ability to wait in peace for an extended period of time? Do you engineer and piece together your own version of what you think you want? Do you throw in the towel and try to loose yourself of the desire? Do you find some other "thing" to replace this desire thus attempting to occupy your mind with this replacement? I don't know. I've tried them all (multiple times). Sometimes it feels like cycles are being repeated. Friends will tell you things like, "oh, you'll stumble across 'it' when you least expect it" and your spiritual advisors will tell you to "continue to have faith in God...His timing is best..." I almost wanna scream "blah, blah, blah...easy for you to say."
Do I love the Lord? absolutely. Am I a believer? indeed. BUT my faith runs dry when it comes time to water my pot of patience. Or I find myself in a position where my patience endures BUT I'm miserable in the process. . .whew.
I don't have any of the answers. My blog is my space (lol). This is where I put some accountability to my journaling. . .and I make my personal thoughts public. This is sort of like venting sans the bitter undertone. Maybe someone will say something that will strengthen my patience???
Breaking points...sensitive moments....weak while waiting. . . .anyone?
