Let Them Walk

Beat of the Moment: I'm listening to "Let It Go," a sermon by Bishop T.D. Jakes 

Let me start by saying that God is beyond faithful and super intentional. Sophia Nelson, one of my favorites, hosted a class via telephone tonight on courageous conversations. I had no intention of calling in, but after seeing the topic, something told me to join the call. I did and thankfully so because it blessed my life. I'm going to give some background information then I'm just going to recap some of her key points. As always, I hope this helps someone.

(Whew, shaking off everything, so I can be transparent.)

I really get a little tense and even nervous when I have to share my private details, but I believe that comes with this calling and authenticity is key. I recently had a "conversation" with a guy. Actually, let me back it up a little bit. I had made up in my mind that I was going to take a serious break from dating because I had to get myself together. It was that simple. I realized that I had made many of the same mistakes over and over when dating and I wanted something different. If you've read my earlier posts then you know a bit about this. I was very absolute in my decision to wait it out for a while before getting myself involved with anyone, or even dating or seeing anyone. With that being said, I recently began praying for new relationships. Actually, my prayer was very specific. As I was driving to work one morning, I prayed out to God as I normally do, and I prayed for a very specific relationship. I detailed the qualities of the person I would be willing to date. Fast forward almost one week after that prayer and I was introduced to this guy who appeared to meet the requirements outlined in my prayer. (I'm still dealing with what it means that God answered that prayer.)

 I recently had a "conversation" with this guy and he said something to the effect of "he did not have to talk to me every second of the day or even every day for that matter because he did not want to get tired of talking to me." WHOA! Are you guys as offended as I was? I had two major problems with this. 1. Why are you being so rude? Even if this is what you wanted to say, did you have to say it that way? And IF this is what you want to say, then do you really even care about me? This just seemed brutal to me. My 2nd reaction was, "I never suggested either of those things, but I am calling you out on your flaky behavior." Beyond both of those thoughts, the thing that really got me was the fact that this guy was sounding exactly like a guy from my past. He is obviously my past for a reason. I truly believe that you will recognize a person by their fruit (Matthew 7: 16-20). Oh, the signs. Immediately, I knew that I had to end this because I knew this fruit all too well and nothing good comes from it. So that is exactly what I did-gracefully bowed out.

So that is the back story. Fast forward to tonight's call. I just want you to understand how relevant this message was to me. It was so timely and necessary. Of course, I discussed this with my girlfriends and favorite guy pal, but Sophia's words shaped my understanding. Sophia's key points are listed below.

1. "Keeping it real is never keeping it rude." I think this is self-explanatory. This confirmed my initial reaction of "are you trying to hurt me." When you care about someone, your goal is never to hurt them. Being honest doesn't mean being harsh. Courageous conversations don't require contempt. Plain and simple.

2. "Conversation is how we build connection." DUH! How else are you supposed to get to know someone if you aren't communicating with them? I am the type of person who will examine a problem or situation from every standpoint and try to understand the person's position. I completely understand taking it slow, but I can't figure out how avoiding conversation will advance a relationship. I use that term loosely. At one point, I started to beat myself up, but she made it clear. Andrea, you are not crazy, you must communicate with someone if you want to connect. Sophia harps on communicating via telephone and in person versus texting, emailing, and chatting. However, here you have a person who is closing every door of communication before even getting to know the person.

3. "We drink our fill of people and when we're done we crumble them up, discard them and walk away."  It's true. We are a selfish culture and when we have received all that we need, we really don't care what happens to the product. Just so I don't sound like a crazy person, I want to provide more background. The signs that this person was sending and the things that came out of his mouth prior to this conversation did not align. He was saying and doing two different things. I'm not sure where this came from, nor am I going to wreck my mind trying to figure it out, but I will acknowledge that he wanted things on his terms. I am not so desperate that I have to agree to bogus terms or stand to be insulted.

4. Last but not least, "People that can cut you off and let it go without a word, let them go. Stop trying to make up with people that don't love you." She borrowed this from Bishop T.D. Jakes. This girl (Andrea) is super famous for giving the "wrong" people infinite chances. After this guy said his piece, I said something very classy and left.  His response was two words-"ok, cool." I have to laugh out loud now because it seems comical. He did not put up a fight. He did not provide any additional commentary; he submitted to my request. You will recognize them by their fruit.....easy come, easy go.

My final word. . . . . . . . . 

Even though I was a bit hurt, I am sooooooooooooo thankful for this interaction. It demonstrates my growth. I've grown so much. I was once very fragile. I'm still a tiny bit fragile, but I am growing a tough skin. I'm still dealing with God about the purpose, but right now, I'm just thankful for the process! Thank You for the test.

Metal is refined and purified in a furnace; the Lord purifies and tests the heart (Proverbs 17:3).


Want to go? Let them walk.